Precious Child
This is a song a fellow baby loss mom told me about. So heartfelt and warm. makes you cry but also smile. It's a tear-jereker for sure. John and I are doing better. We have gotten over the loss and shock of Baron, we know we will always have this bond between us and know he is with our family, friends and loved ones in the sky. We talk about him, wonder about him, weather when we see him again if he'll be the precious baby or a grown adult.
As for now, we are trying to go back to our regular lives as much as possible. I'm trying to go back to work. Hard when you're in an interview and they ask about kids and if you have any. It's hard not to tear up and tell them about what we've been going through these past months and last year.
I'm so glad I have my friends and family around to support and help us. Been a rough 4 years. We do know how strong our relationship is and it keeps getting stronger and stronger ever day!
John's birthday is coming up and we are going to celebrate it in some way that will keep us happy and smiling. We know now, never PLAN for a future, you can hope and dream but something may mess it all up and it won't come true.
Lisa
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
This is my 1st post on this blog. It's been awhile since I could tell anyone else other than my husnad how I've been feeling. It still hurts. will hurt, everyday. I know that tomorrow will come and I have to be strong. It's not easy to be strong I tell ya. I've found books, songs, facebook groups and my oh so wonderful 925 group. They are not a support group for grieving moms, they are a group of FRIENDS. True friends that are stitched into my scar along with my child. They were along for our ride, every doctor appointment, every time I had a picture to post to show how big my 'little man' was making me.
Here is a song that we will play every year on my birthday, ever sad yes, touching, yes, harder to hear becasue it's on my birthday, yes. But it gives me peace knowing he's ok. He's not sad, not in any pain, doesn't feel alone. He knows he has me, his dad and grandparents and my family but he also has his 925 family looking after him.
Here is a song that we will play every year on my birthday, ever sad yes, touching, yes, harder to hear becasue it's on my birthday, yes. But it gives me peace knowing he's ok. He's not sad, not in any pain, doesn't feel alone. He knows he has me, his dad and grandparents and my family but he also has his 925 family looking after him.
"Who You'd Be Today"
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?
Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?
Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.
[Instrumental Break]
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.
Some day, some day, some day.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?
Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?
Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.
[Instrumental Break]
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.
Some day, some day, some day.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
GODSPEED - the dixie chicks
Dragon tales and the water is wide
Pirate’s sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
The rocket racer’s all tuckered out
Superman’s in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse
And I love you
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God heard amen, wherever you are
And I love you
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
© Columbia Records 2002
Pirate’s sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
The rocket racer’s all tuckered out
Superman’s in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse
And I love you
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God heard amen, wherever you are
And I love you
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
© Columbia Records 2002
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Home and Donations
Lisa is now at home with her husband. She was able to keep Baron in her room during her hospital stay. They are planning for a cremation, but money is still tight. If you would like to donate please click on the donate button on the right. Anything will help and will be greatly appreciated.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
This Is Who We Are
September of last year, on the BabyCenter forums, a thread was started looking for cycle buddies to share the TTC (trying to conceive) journey with. Day 1 was September 25, and before long there were several ladies on the thread whose cycles had all begun on or around 9/25. We talked about the gooey details of TTC...the frustrations, the joys, the moments where we just wanted to give up. We also talked about other things -- really, everything. We became friends.
We got a few BFP's (BIG FAT POSITIVES - positive pregnancy test results) that cycle, but several of us found ourselves starting over. Our cycles weren't all the same; we were worried about losing track of each other. We decided to make a private group and we called it Nine Twenty Five, in honor of our original cycle buddy thread.
Today there are 19 members of our little family. 19 sisters from all walks of life, all tied together by that one chance post on a message board. Some of us have given up, or put on hold, the TTC mission. Others are still hard at work, praying each month that this will be it. We have had 21 total BFPs in the 925 family. 5 are cuddling at home with their blessings. 8 are expecting a squishy bundle of love in the coming months. 7 have given an angel to God and are looking for a rainbow. One of those was the twin to a baby girl born healthy. Our most recent loss, baby Baron, was a stunning blow - he was full-term, everything seemed fine, and then...nothing. He was born sleeping July 18, 2012, and we feel like a bunch of surrogate mommies mourning the loss of our own child.
This blog is for Baron, and for the other angels in the 925 sky, to be cherished and celebrated and never EVER forgotten.
Feel free to read the posts here, and if you have your own story to add, feel free to comment. We're all friends here, and many of us know too well the pain of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss.
Welcome to Baron's Wings.
We got a few BFP's (BIG FAT POSITIVES - positive pregnancy test results) that cycle, but several of us found ourselves starting over. Our cycles weren't all the same; we were worried about losing track of each other. We decided to make a private group and we called it Nine Twenty Five, in honor of our original cycle buddy thread.
Today there are 19 members of our little family. 19 sisters from all walks of life, all tied together by that one chance post on a message board. Some of us have given up, or put on hold, the TTC mission. Others are still hard at work, praying each month that this will be it. We have had 21 total BFPs in the 925 family. 5 are cuddling at home with their blessings. 8 are expecting a squishy bundle of love in the coming months. 7 have given an angel to God and are looking for a rainbow. One of those was the twin to a baby girl born healthy. Our most recent loss, baby Baron, was a stunning blow - he was full-term, everything seemed fine, and then...nothing. He was born sleeping July 18, 2012, and we feel like a bunch of surrogate mommies mourning the loss of our own child.
This blog is for Baron, and for the other angels in the 925 sky, to be cherished and celebrated and never EVER forgotten.
Feel free to read the posts here, and if you have your own story to add, feel free to comment. We're all friends here, and many of us know too well the pain of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss.
Welcome to Baron's Wings.
What Makes A Mother?
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.
I asked “What makes a mother?” and I know I heard Him say,
“A mother has a baby." This we know is true.
“But God, can you be a mother when your baby’s not with you?”
“Yes you can,” He replied with confidence in His voice.
“I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day
And some I send to fill your womb, but there’s no need to stay.”
“I just don’t understand this God, I want my baby here.”
He took a breath and cleared His throat, and then I saw the tear.
“I wish that I could show you, what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child’s smile, if you could hear him say…”
“We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so blessed to have a mom who had such love for me.
I learned my lessons quickly, my mommy set me free.
I miss Mommy oh so much but I visit everyday.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear,
“Mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here.”
“So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home and this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with Me until your own lessons are through.
And on the day that you come home they’ll be at the gates for you.
You ask what makes a mother, it’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of right from the very start."
I asked “What makes a mother?” and I know I heard Him say,
“A mother has a baby." This we know is true.
“But God, can you be a mother when your baby’s not with you?”
“Yes you can,” He replied with confidence in His voice.
“I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day
And some I send to fill your womb, but there’s no need to stay.”
“I just don’t understand this God, I want my baby here.”
He took a breath and cleared His throat, and then I saw the tear.
“I wish that I could show you, what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child’s smile, if you could hear him say…”
“We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so blessed to have a mom who had such love for me.
I learned my lessons quickly, my mommy set me free.
I miss Mommy oh so much but I visit everyday.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear,
“Mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here.”
“So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home and this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with Me until your own lessons are through.
And on the day that you come home they’ll be at the gates for you.
You ask what makes a mother, it’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of right from the very start."
Bittersweet Hello
It has been a sad time in our little cyber family. We were excitedly awaiting the arrival of our newest 925 baby, Baron Ellington, when we got some stunning news: Baron was gone. We didn't know what to say or do, other than to offer support to his parents, Lisa and John. We have come together all across the country via our computers, Nooks, smartphones, and iPads, trying to come to terms with this heartbreaking loss. And hard as it is for us to wrap our heads and hearts around, we can only imagine the pain and sadness our sister Lisa is suffering.
"An angel, in the Book of Life, wrote down the baby's birth
And whispered as she closed the book, 'Too beautiful for Earth.'"
None of us can explain why these things happen. And we're not here to justify, or rationalize. We're here to remember.
-KS
"An angel, in the Book of Life, wrote down the baby's birth
And whispered as she closed the book, 'Too beautiful for Earth.'"
None of us can explain why these things happen. And we're not here to justify, or rationalize. We're here to remember.
-KS
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